company:

you’re in her dms i’m in her lucid dreams. we are not the same

(via saintplectrude)

4 years ago
39,490 notes

i want to fucking die.

this is the only place i can say that

okay but i don’t want to kill myself either

edit: this turned out to be inconsequential, who would have thought
actually, inconsequential would be inaccurate
i had a good coming to jesus for it

4 years ago
0 notes

I feel like I’m spiraling out of control. Actually, I feel like I’ve never really had control (over what?)

That’s the thought that’s spinning through my mind. I want control. I want the world to stop spinning. I want to feel whole. I want to feel peace.

I want someone to like me for me.

Seems like no matter how much I try to live for myself I always loop back into this loneliness that pervades my entire spirit. There’s always this sinking feeling that I’m never enough. that if I’m not #1 I’m nothing.

i’m not strong enough or smart enough or fast enough or well-spoken enough, i can never communicate my thoughts accurately in speech

my heart is heavy and i feel that all of these temporary joys are mere delusions to the reality of the sadness that i can never escape

why the fuck would anybody care about how I feel?

the only thing that matters is the result of my actions

the world is like bland oatmeal

4 years ago
0 notes

communistbakery:

RELEASE YOUR INHIBITION

image

FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN! 

NO ONE ELSE CAN FEEL IT FOR YOU!

NO ONE ELSE CAN LET IT IN!

(via thebootydiaries)

4 years ago
150,765 notes
atmagaialove:
“ Mines of power lie unexplored within you. You use this power unconsciously in all things you do, and you achieve certain results; but, if you learn how to consciously control and use the powers within you, you can accomplish much...

atmagaialove:

Mines of power lie unexplored within you. You use this power unconsciously in all things you do, and you achieve certain results; but, if you learn how to consciously control and use the powers within you, you can accomplish much more.

Paramahansa Yogananda

(via cybrpnk-orion)

4 years ago
4,186 notes

I can manifest my will as I see fit, should I put forth the energy and effort.
I need to do more work.
I need varying sets of input.

This isn’t easy, that’s the point.

4 years ago
0 notes

clogged, often

very disappointed

shouldn’t be this difficult

worthless

that was painful to type

i want to go home

but where?

help me, but i dont want to be helped

shouldn’t i be able to take care of myself?

but i want to be helped

4 years ago
0 notes
weirdletter:
“ Cover art for Postnomicon, by Javier Charro, via charroart.com.
”

weirdletter:

Cover art for Postnomicon, by Javier Charro, via charroart.com.

(via cybrpnk-orion)

4 years ago
325 notes
victoriousvocabulary:
“ ASTRIFEROUS
[adjective]
bearing stars; made of stars.
Etymology: from Latin astrifer; astrum, “star” + ferre, “to bear”.
-
Original: The Morning Star and the Moon by Carl Schweninger
”

victoriousvocabulary:

ASTRIFEROUS

[adjective]

bearing stars; made of stars.

Etymology: from Latin astrifer; astrum, “star” + ferre, “to bear”.

-

Original: The Morning Star and the Moon by Carl Schweninger

(via victoriousvocabulary)

4 years ago
808 notes

Here I am, back from the purgatory of time wasted. So much of life has passed me by and I wonder what parts of myself I’ve kept locked away in this library of my mind.

If it were easier not to dwell in the past, everybody would be doing it. Our demons continue to haunt us if we never slay them. Although life has been had more often with a smile, I still wonder why it is that I never feel any emotion intensely. Even my 90mph jaunt down the highway on my new motorcycle - sure, it had me grinning from ear to ear, but I still didn’t **feel**.

I’m returning here in search of feeling. Raw emotion with physical manifestation.
Last night I was angry and yet it was all in my mind. I immediately translate emotion into thought and right now I want nothing more but to revert to my primal self, completely bypassing my rational mind. I want to feel my instincts so that I know them and can re-train them how I see fit.

Yes, Change is the only constant in this universe born of Chaos. And as I am the universe, and the universe is me, Change is the only constant in myself born of Chaos. Yet I do not feel the primordial spirit of which I expect to consume my being when I feel the intensity of emotion. It simply is not there. My heart stays neutral while my mind throws fits of agony and rage.

I know this is a malfunction of my being, and that I can train myself to experience reality in a way more congruent with my desires. I suppose, if I were to go back through these archives, that my desires are now better known. It is unfortunate that it took me this long to accept what I want my life to be. I can only imagine how I could have elevated myself had I known all that I know now, only 9 years ago.

The past year has been one of immense growth, although I feel it is not immense enough. It’s true, I cannot run away from my demons. I must confront them. Though it’s good to know which demons are mine, and which of those belonged to others who were around me constantly. The burden of the slayer is significantly less now.

From a practical and tangible point of view, I must take better care of my health. I need to eat better, sleep better, and exercise better. There are no better substitutes to better the health of my mind and body. I lack focus and I lack discipline. The pointed and directed focus I desire, the power to create my life exactly as I see fit, is scattered in the form of self-deprecating thoughts and self-sabotage. Nothing has changed in that regard - although I’m probably in the best position I’ve ever been in now, and I am more consciously creating my reality… it still isn’t enough. I’m still slow. I’m still sloppy. I still make easily preventable mistakes. I still lack total control of my own mind.

And what will it take to gain control of my mind? In the immortal words of Shia LeBouf and Nike… “Just do it.”
The universe waits for nobody. And as I am the universe, I cannot wait for myself. I have to just move, have a target in mind, focus on that target. Look where I want to steer, and just pull the throttle, trusting that I will get there.
Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. When I have a thought, I cannot give myself time to hestitate. I cannot use my lack of feeling as justification not to act, because if I never feel then I will never act.

How can I train myself to feel? I’m not sure… but let’s see that more of a challenge than as a roadblock. The fact of the matter is that I must keep acting.

4 years ago
0 notes